THE MOST TERRIBLE WORD IN THE WORLD!

So here it goes...  my next "tragic" moment...  all the ugly details.

I said in my first post that most of these "tragedies" up to this point in my life were little tiny bumps in the road.  This time I'm predicting this will be more like a giant pot hole, you know like one of the massive ones you find around Columbia that your car gets swallowed up by,  ruins your tire, one that you know the City knows about but refuses to fix for some unknown reason.... oops again I digress... "squirrel"....  haha...  

I'm just putting off saying the bad word, but here goes....  The story....

I am vigilant with my annual exams for all of my "stuff".  At the same time every year I have all of my doctor appointments and get them all over at the same time.  Dermatologist - Check.  Pap - Check.  Blood Work - Check.  I received my annual letter in the mail from my primary care doctor.... Everything is perfect, keep doing what you're doing and will see you next year.  This was early November.

Then on to my normal annual Mammogram the day before Thanksgiving.  Do it every year.  Every year it is fine.  No breast cancer in my family, so generally not ever worried about this process.  The Monday after Thanksgiving I received a call from the Breast Center....  Something showed up on your exam this year that wasn't there last year.  We're sure it's nothing but we still want to schedule a biopsy.  I found this odd and a tad bit alarming as generally they will first do an ultrasound or an MRI.  But jumping directly to the biopsy.  #worried

I had never had a biopsy; I am also terrified of needles.  So this process was mortifying to me.  You go into a room and lay on your stomach on a table with a hole in it for your boobs to hang down through...  then a mammogram machine rolls up underneath you and squishes your "bad" boob.  Then they stick the first needle in that numbs said "bad" boob.  This HURTS!  Needle in boob = hurt.  Just an FYI for anyone who was wondering LOL.  Then you're numb thank God...  But you can hear the machine.  Sounds like a combination of a staple gun and a small vacuum sucking machine.  Taking pieces of said "bad" boob out for review.  This process takes about an hour.  They then insert a small metal piece into the "bad area" "just in case" it's something bad so they will know where it is if they have to go back in and do something more.  Then the steristrips go on and you put on your bra and they stick an ice pack in and send you on your merry way.  And this is the beginning of the waiting games that will drive you absolutely insane.  At this point I'm still confident.  It can't be anything bad.....  right? Right! They said they will call tomorrow..... tick tock tick tock.....

December 1, 2017, my cell phone rings, I have a co-worker in my office, I answer the phone because I have been waiting on the very important call from the Breast Center.  Waiting for them to call me and tell me false alarm, everything is fine, see you next year.

Well guess what, this is the phone call that will change the rest of my life.

Everything was not fine.  Instead, "I'm sorry Kristy, your biopsy shows cancer".  I froze.  The guy on the other line just kept apologizing and asking me if I have any questions.  All I could say was no and bye.... hung up and began crying.... My poor co-worker (male) basically didn't know what to do and bolted.  Poor guy I feel bad for him now...  hell I didn't know what to do or say, how could he know how to handle the neurotic crazy lady breaking down.

I took an hour or so and processed the new info and finally called the guy back.  Now I had some questions, what kind, how big, what stage, how aggressive.... He basically had no answers for me except to say the oncologist office would be calling in the next few days (yes next few days...  I wanted to scream at him, make them call me now, I need answers now, not in a  few days) to schedule an appointment to begin treatment and told me that it was ductal and lobular carcinoma, both types of cancer.  Didn't have a clue what that meant, but it sure sounded horrible! This was all he had for me.

Thank goodness the oncologist office called me to schedule my first C word appointment the same day (not a few days) whew....  Said she had an appointment Tuesday (a week and half later).  I flipped out on the poor lady and demanded I wanted something ASAP.  Luckily there must have been a cancelation or something because they actually got me in within a few days instead of a week and a half.  Still, those four days were hell.   I can't even explain it and pray that none of you reading this have to know what that feels like!!

So now I wait....  with the knowledge that my life is going to get absolutely insane but I wait... I have the C word and that's all I know.... tick tock tick tock tick tock...