SHIT JUST GOT REAL!

December 21, 2017....  One day till surgery.  Off to see my surgeon for final consult before the big day.  Called my oncologist one more time this morning... still no genetic results.  Wonder what my surgeon will want to do.  Hopefully still will go forward with the lumpectomy.  I want this thing out of me NOW!!  And besides all of my doctors told me the test would be negative anyways so it is just a formality.

Into the surgeon's office; check in; pay my $20 bucks.  Nurse calls me back and into the room.  Saw my surgeon on the way in.  She looked at me and her face didn't look normal.  Looked concerned.  Now I'm getting nervous and freaked out.  But surely it was nothing.  Just me being my normal paranoid self the day before surgery, right?  Wrong answer.  She walks into the room with a sheet of paper, looking like she had seen a ghost and sad.  I knew at this moment that was my test results and I  knew it wasn't good.

Glitch #2 -- This one is a biggie, huge, massive!  As suspected, she said the next sentence that will now and forever change the rest of my life.  "I'm so sorry, your test came back positive.  I can't believe it, we were all sure it would be negative.  You are BRCA2 positive".  WTF this was not supposed to go this way.  I wasn't even for sure what this meant except that it was bad.  I hadn't even researched it much since everyone was so sure it was going to be negative.

Now I go from "slam dunk" to "now what are we going to do".  Your options are to still go ahead with the lumpectomy and then we can address how we are going to handle the BRCA2 diagnosis after surgery.  Handle it?  How am I supposed to handle knowing for the rest of my life I am living with this cancer gene mutation inside of me and that I could get cancer again at any time.  How am I going to handle this.  I want to melt down, cry, scream, hit something.  Instead I say let's go ahead with the surgery tomorrow.  Smile and walk out of the office with my head reeling.

You see, with the BRCA2 gene it is recommended that the person get a double mastectomy and remove the ovaries and fallopian tubes ASAP, as this gene specifically targets breasts, ovaries, pancreas and skin cancers.  Having this gene makes your probability of getting cancer 80% more higher than the normal person.  And of course no one can give you answers about recurrence even if you do all of the preventative shit.

So that's basically it; no more slam dunk.  Going to surgery tomorrow to get this one out of me, but now for the rest of my life I have to worry about it coming back again, over and over and over.  Guess who drew the short straw in the Russian roulette wheel of genetics.  This girl........