Halloween.... I love it! It's probably my favorite holiday.
I remember all the years of dressing up my little boy and taking him to the costume contest in downtown Moberly and trick or treating afterwards, stopping at all the grandparents first, of course. Each year we would spend weeks before Halloween deciding what we were going to be. Yes, we, because each year I dressed up as well, either to match my little goblin or to match my husband. Oh my, him and I had some awesome costumes and had some of the best times at his sister and brother in-laws Halloween parties. Treasured memories. Even once my mom got in on the fun when her and I were Thing 1 and 2 and Britt was Cat in the Hat. I miss those days of my little goblin dressing up. Maybe someday I can take my grandbabies (hint hint to someone). But even after he was grown, I still dressed up every year. It's so fun for one night to be someone totally different and just let loose and have fun!
Two years ago I was in the hospital over Halloween for a suspected pancreatitis attack (we now know differently huh). That was the first time probably in my life I did not get to dress up for Halloween and it was a giant bummer!
Then last year on October 30th I went in for what I thought would just be a routine ECRP scope to try to figure out why I was having all of these pancreatitis attacks, as I had just spent another week with another one. They had been happening annually since July 2018, my first one. So I went to the hospital and got all hooked up and got my happy night night juice and I was off to la la land, not really concerned. Was just hoping they could fix the attacks.
What I wasn't prepared for was my doctor standing at the end of my bed (which if you've had any procedure like that it's not good for the doctor to be waiting for you to wake up). He basically told me he was 99% sure it was pancreatic cancer and everyone knows what that means. Basically I was told 3-6 months. And being alive a year later is pretty much unheard of.
So yesterday when this memory popped up I had two options.... And what a dilemma it was. My emotions were pulling me in two different directions, leaving me on emotional overload for most of the day. I could have climbed into my pj's and been depressed and obsess over everything OR put my Halloween loving big girl lighted boobies on and go dance the night away with friends and celebrate me beating the current odds in front of me. I chose the latter! I truly believe the positive attitude is partially what has gotten me this far on this crazy journey I am on and I will continue choosing to live one day at a time as a grateful blessed fighter!
Tonight, for the first time in years, I'm going to dress up and sit outside on this beautiful fall day and hand out candy and just enjoy that I GET to do it! In past years I've shut off the lights and left the house, usually to go drink somewhere. How crazy. I love Halloween and seeing all the kids dressed up, yet I ran away from it to go drink and deprive myself of something that makes me happy. Craziness! If you're lucky enough to be headed out there tonight remember to enjoy every single second. Time flies by way too fast!
Happy Halloween ya'll and as always please keep me in your prayers 
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