IF IT'S ON THE CALENDAR IT'S HAPPENING.....

Back to the surgeon yesterday to discuss how we are going to proceed.  Check in.... $20 bucks.....
I finally, for the first time, actually said the words, "let's do the double mastectomy, and I don't want reconstruction".  I felt like the words were coming from somewhere else and not out of my mouth, but here I was and this is what I was saying.  One month ago I would have never guessed this is where I would be, but alas it is.

We chatted some more, and I asked lots of questions.  Asked her where the cuts would be and how it would be done....  Boy I sure wish I hadn't done that haha!  I'll spare you the details.  It's not pretty.

Then we discussed another possible glitch, but I'm not even sharing that right now.  I don't want to jinx myself and I'm just going to have faith that there is nothing to that conversation that we just had.

She then gave me another choice regarding the surgery.  I could have a nerve block in my neck before the operation.  It would help with pain management maybe even for a couple of days after surgery.  It's kind of like having an epidural when you have a baby.  Of course I didn't have one.  Remember, the massive needle phobia.  Yeah, I'd rather have the labor pains.  I actually had no meds at all when I had my son.  It wasn't that bad.  Needle in back, now that would have been bad.  Yeah see, I'm neurotic about this needle thing.  So I asked her if I would already be under when they do the block.  Um, yeah no, she said it would be similar to the wire in the boob scenario (read prior post ... surgery).  Awake and needle in neck, doesn't sound like much fun.  I know it will possibly make the pain better and I know I need to say yes, but between now and then I will have to get the courage to pull the trigger on that one.  I know.. sounds absolutely insane, yeah go ahead and cut my boobs off, but a needle in neck to make my pain better, I'm just not sure about that...  #crazychick.

So then she said, well let's get the calendar in here and get this thing booked.  Or I could just run out right now and never come back haha!  No such luck, calendar is here and first open date is
January 26.  So that's it, I will be saying adios to my ta tas on January 26, 2018.  But more importantly, and hopefully, I will be saying good riddance to the terrible C word for the last time, if the fates see fit to allow me to continue live this wonderful, crazy, awful, beautiful life of mine!!