Ahhhhh.... this week is one of my all time favorite weeks in Facebookland. Everyone is posting their children in their first day of school outfits leaving for the first of many first days or the first of the last day of their school years.
As I scroll through Facebook today, I find myself reminiscing a little more than usual. I've even shed several tears thinking about that little bitty boy who walked into his first day of kindergarten for what seems like a thousand years ago. And then thinking about him walking out the door each August after that first one, knowing with each year it seemed to go a little faster. Some years as I dropped him off I would pray that time would slow down. For me, it's been 8 years since I've done the back to school dance (counting college, which was a whole different kind of mental breakdown) I bawled for one week straight when I dropped him off for college. And honestly I still don't know what to do with myself without him here.
The advice I would give all parents out there is take the pictures, make the memories, go the games, plays, band concerts. Enjoy every minute of every single event because before you know it, you're sitting in your chair looking through old first day of school pictures wishing like hell you had them back, for just one more year! Instead you sit and wait for that once a month or so visit from them and cherish the fact that you get at least that. They really have no idea how much you love them and would give anything to have those days back, even though you might have acted like it might have been a giant pain in the ass at the time. I guess maybe someday when they have their own children they will realize how much you love them and that they are your whole life; the one and only that can bring a smile to your face like no one else in the whole world can.
Maybe I am more melancholy, reminiscent and a bit more teary eyed this year due to my current health situation. I seem to be more teary eyed in general since my latest diagnosis, so I'm sure that is the reason. Time has a way fleeing from you without even realizing it, and for me, more than likely, it's sprinting. The summer has flown by and we are entering into fall. In a few months will be coming upon my 1 year anniversary of my diagnosis. If you know anything at all about pancreatic cancer, that is pretty much unheard of. I continue to fight like hell and always will for that little boy and to keep living this beautiful wonderful thing we call life!
I know I had said I would give an update on my Facebook post after my scan 2 weeks ago. I've been trying to figure out how to update as I am still trying to figure it out myself. I will say that I am going to be in and out of several scans and doctor appointments beginning next week. After these appointments I should have a LOT more to tell I hope and pray! Please please keep praying for me as this could possibly be the miracle that myself and everyone else has been praying for. I am DEFINITELY in no way getting my hopes up because PC just doesn't work like that, but I would appreciate tons of prayers especially on 08/31 and 9/1 and 9/3 for sure!
In the meantime, I am leaving tonight for Boston! Going to get my mind off of next week (hopefully!) and check some more of those bucket list items off. I'm sure I'll post way too many pictures, but this is how I'm rolling these days. Making tons of memories with the people that mean the most to me, so in the end I will have no regrets, just memories of an amazing life!
Love to all of you my prayer warriors and See ya'll in Boston!
