Here we go ya'll! Mr. Toad's Wild Ride continues! Three years ago I sat in my oncologist's office and was told that I had stage 4 pancreatic cancer with metastases to the liver. I was told that I had 3-6 months to live and to get my stuff in order. I was also told that I would NEVER EVER qualify for surgery to remove the main tumor from my pancreas. Therefore, I have been living my best life and had accepted that sooner than later I would succumb to this horrible cancer. That is just the way it was going to be.
With pancreatic cancer, there are basically two main chemo drugs that work. Once they no longer are working, the options are few and far between. There is also now a pill that has been developed for BRCA patients with cancer that seems to be working quite well. Even though BRCA has been a biach for me, I am grateful for the mutation in this situation, which has given me the opportunity to extend my life with this new pill. Over the past three years, I have had 24 rounds of chemo. The first 12 rounds, followed by a year and a half of the new chemo pill. Then when my CA-19 tumor marker started rising, it seemed that the pill was no longer working, I had to go back on the chemo, which I finished in September. With the tumor marker still continually rising, scans were ordered (CT, PET, & MRI). As per the usual, the CT scan still was showing stable. But there had to be something brewing somewhere. So then the PET scan was done, and it was found that my main tumor on the tail of my pancreas was alive and growing again. An MRI was then ordered to confirm the PET scan findings. The MRI did, indeed find that the main tumor had grown and it also now is showing another growth of unknown origin further into my pancreas. So it appears that my first line chemo may be failing. But there is one good thing that came out of these scans however. It is not showing spread anywhere else except the pancreas (even the liver where the original metastasis was located). You've gotta take some good in every situation or it'll drive you insane!
So we were going to have to scramble to see what our next step was going to be, as I would possibly be down to my last option as far as chemo goes. It was in this very timeframe of all of these scans that I received call and subsequently a telehealth appointment with a surgeon who was given my case by the KU doctor I had seen in August. I had no clue this was coming and it just about knocked me out of my chair that a surgeon would even want to have a discussion at all. He said he wanted to wait until all of my scans were in then discuss some more. At the time I had the MRI left to complete. So I put the surgeon out of my mind, as per my earlier comment, they DO NOT do surgery on stage 4 patients.
But hang on, things are getting CRAZY! The surgeon in Kansas looked at my last set of scans and he wants to give surgery a try! I received that phone call and sat in a state of shock for, well let's see here, it's been about two weeks now LOL. For 3 years I've had it ingrained into my head that when the chemo stops working I'm done for, but now I'm being offered a slim, but yes, a chance at a possible longer life.
Then the panic sets in and the questions start whirling around. Do I take this, more than likely, once in a lifetime opportunity, and take a chance on this surgery or decline and keep moving forward as I have been. I needed guidance, second, third, and fourth opinions! Anyone who could validate my feelings and opinions. I ended up with three very trusted opinions on the matter and two out of the three said to "Do It"! And while the "I do not recommend this" opinion keeps popping up in my mind, this I do know for sure..... I have been praying non-stop since the day I got this diagnosis for a miracle. For God to cure me of this cancer and to take it away. What if this is the way he is going to do that? What if this surgery, that is never offered, that is being offered to me now, is the way that I am going to be healed? What if I have to suffer through this one more trial and since I followed his lead I am going to be rewarded? I feel like all signs are pointing towards accepting this surgery and pray that it goes well. After all, the only other option is to start my last line of chemo and see how long it keeps me alive. So I don't think I have a lot to lose at this point. Right?
And so the decision has been made. Surgery will be in Kansas on the 24th. Yes, that's 1 week from tomorrow. I will be having the tail of my pancreas and my spleen removed. I will be in the hospital for probably 5 days and home recovery of 6 weeks. It is an open surgery, so I will be cut along the bottom of my left rib cage, with staples and probably drains. The tail of the pancreas controls your insulin so it is possible I could become diabetic after surgery. There is also the possibility of him opening me up and the cancer has spread to places not shown up on imaging. At that point they would just close me up and not do anything. This is also not a fully curative surgery either, as there is another mass showing up in imaging further down in my pancreas head that the surgeon says he cannot take. The imaging is not clear on what exactly this mass is, but the surgeon is hopeful that if we get the "main" tumor that any others in the pancreas would respond to chemo after the surgery. So yes, there will be more chemo after surgery for anyone wondering. So my friends, what would you do?? As always, I know ya'll are totally jelly! LOL!
I told the surgeon on the call the other day, eh I've had a double mastectomy so I'm kind of familiar with it all. To that he said and I quote, "oh this will be way worse than that". Lovely. After my mastectomy I had my fiancé to help me out. I was basically not allowed to do anything the first 4 weeks after surgery. So here I am single and alone this time.... One of my close friends said the other day, "you've got to ask for help and let people help you and quit being stubborn". So my friends here I am, asking for help and I will be glad to let you help in any way! I've already arranged for a lift chair to be here when I get home from surgery, which will help out sooooo much!! Thank you Healing Chair!! This will be your third time saving me from massive pain!!
But for realz, I am totally freaking out, terrified, and nervous, but I am also hopeful. Hopeful that I get several more years of family, friends, travel and fun time! I truly believe there is reason I'm still around and I hope to keep on fighting for many years! Please, please, please keep those prayers coming in hot! I need as many as you have to give this time! And I'll see ya on the flip side! 💝
