Well here I am.... heading back to work tomorrow after being off since my lumpectomy. I have an appointment with my breast surgeon Tuesday.
I have made my decision I think, maybe, probably... But yeah more than likely Tuesday I will be scheduling a double mastectomy. I have also made another decision that I know most people will not understand, but I am choosing to not have reconstruction. This process is stressful enough for me and the reconstruction process is grueling, terrifying, painful, and involves up to as many as 9-10 surgeries. There is a huge risk of infection. And then if your body doesn't reject them they usually do not look even close to real and most of the women in the chat rooms say they are so uncomfortable.
So I am choosing to go flat. Be boobless. These things do not define me. Hell they could have killed me!!! And unfortunately for me that will always be a possibility due to this BRCA2 gene, but at least I can say, after these surgeries, I did all I could to try to get rid of it!! And then spend the rest of my life praying that I did enough and that it doesn't come back!
A lot of people have said, hey it's alright, you get to have a boob job on the insurance company. But for those who aren't familiar it's not a regular boob job. It's a painful, awful, round of surgeries, that may, in the end, not even work because of infections, rejections etc. Your breast tissue is completely removed. They have to build new ones from scratch from fat, skin, implants etc. And you have zero feeling in them as well.
And a boob job is a person's choice to have done; I have no choice... Cancer and genetics made the choice for me. I like my boobs. I wish I could keep them. I think most mastectomy folks probably feel this way.
So I am going to suck it up and put on my big girl panties and do the right thing even though I really do not want to.
So if you see me out and about and I'm not quite the bubbly, bouncy, cheery, smiling person you normally know, I may be having a rough day. Remember it has nothing do to with you if I snap at you. I'll be adjusting to a new me and a new way of life.
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