A single person's nightmare. The universe's big middle finger to single people everywhere. Everywhere you look there are ads for love and what you must buy to keep that love or win a new love. We are inundated with it from February 1 until the 14th. The big romantic day.
On the rare occasion that I have been single on VD, and this is by no means me bragging, but a testimony to my co-dependency issues I've had my whole life apparently, which was not brought to my attention until my most recent break up with my fiancé, two years ago. I realized that most of my life I have had a relationship of some kind, jumping from boyfriend to boyfriend, never really letting myself be alone and learning anything about "ME"!
This will be my second year that I am one of those single people getting the big F you today by all the adorable people "in love". But I am okay. For the first time in my life I have been single for almost two years now. And guess what? I am OK! It's in your darkest moments that you truly learn who you are and what you are capable of.
In the past, the only way you would know about the lucky ones getting valentines were three ways. Yes for all you yougins out there, we did not have social media back in the day. So we found out things the old fashioned ways. One.... the small town rumor mill. "Did you know that Johnny got Sally flowers for Valentines day"? "That rat bastard, he said he was my valentine"! LOL.... Two.... as we got older, and had jobs in an office, the entourage of people being called to the lobby to get their obligatory flowers from the husbands and boyfriends who obviously had no romantic spirit or creative minds, streamed through the halls all day long. All the while you sat and watched as the desks filled up around you while yours stood empty. Three.... the phone call from your BFFs, whom you are genuinely happy for when they call to say the guy they've been crushing on just stopped by with gifts, but at the same time, jealous as hell! haha! But now we have social media and it is in your face 24/7 from 2/1 thru 2/14. Today I will be taking the social media break. Why fuel the already irritated fire, right?
As stated above I've had my share of valentines, so I do not feel like I'm missing out on much. It's just another reminder to me today that I have probably had my last love affair. My last love was probably my last love. I have come to accept the fact that the market out there for a single gal in her late 40's who is terminally ill probably isn't that great. And that's okay. I do get sad about it some days, but I have dealt with that demon and have put it to rest. Love comes in many ways and the love that has been showered over me these last 3 months has been nothing short of amazing. I plan on living out my days here on earth loving and living it up with the people who truly love and care for me, and that will be my biggest blessing.
And I have had 3 great romantic loves in my life. Ones that were truly amazing and that I will cherish the rest of my life. I feel very fortunate to say that, as some people never really find that one true love and I've had three! How lucky am I? Very fortunate I would say.
But the BEST part of my life and the best part of February is the fact that the greatest and most amazing love of my life happened in this month. God gave me my son in February, so that no matter what, I will always have a valentine and love! I believe this was done with God's purpose. I hadn't seen my boy since Christmas due to covid complications, but this last Tuesday I got to get out of the house and take my boy for a birthday dinner. It was the BEST night I have had since Christmas, as every time I get to spend any time with him is what keeps me going and fighting this uphill battle with the beast! And as long as I have him and his love I'll keep on fighting!
Also this last week I had my first scan since my diagnosis and it was not bad. It showed reduction in the main pancreas tumor and the liver tumors remained stable with no further spread!! It seems the chemo may be working and can buy me some more time on this precious earth with the people I LOVE! I will continue with this chemo as long as I can handle it for at least 3 more months. So right now we have a game plan. I truly believe it is with all of your prayers and the blessings of medical science that is making this possible and would ask that you keep me in your prayers. On this Sunday Valentines day, that is the best way to show LOVE for someone. Pray for them if you know they are in need and have a burden.
And how could I forget my furbabies, one who was also born in February as well. Born on February 13, another furever Valentine blessing, my sweet 3 year old Golden, Auggie. And my loyal little Yorkie Poo who is 10 years old, Sophie. Lord have mercy there is not better and greater love and devotion than those babies. They sure have been life savers over the last 3 years especially.
So it seems as though cupid has missed his mark with me again this year, I think he actually hit the nail right on the head and brought me the best valentines week I could possibly have with getting to spend time with my son and a good scan report and thousands of people praying for me daily, I'll take that over some flowers and candy any ole day!
And my wonderful sister knew it would be a day without any valentine spirit so she sent me a WHOLE box full of fun from Springfield that mom and I can dig into. Maybe I'll even model my valentine outfit late for ya'll. LOL Meanwhile I'll be on the couch in my PJ's and eating my box of candies from my sissy and watching my most favorite Valentine movie.... Valentines Day, of course. The scene where she beats the shit out of the piñata NEVER gets old! LMAO
Happy Valentines Day everyone and I hope you find your LOVE, however it may come to you today and keep them prayers coming!
