About Last Night.....

 Life is sometimes really shitty. But then there is crazy and beautiful and amazing. God places you in situations where you are supposed to be.  I cannot even begin to tell you how many times this has been true since sobriety and since I have found my faith again. Last night... Mind blown. 

 I had two events I really really wanted to go to last night. I had to make a choice. Which is rare that I would even have one thing to do these days. There was a live music event back home with a lot of old friends and then there was a sobriety celebration and fund raiser that a friend of mine so generously offered me tickets to.  Normally there would be no question and I would have chosen to hang out and gossip and dance with my best friends. But for some reason I was being pulled in the other direction. For the last few years I've been following these impulses as they have seemingly always lead me to a place I needed to be. Therefore I chose to attend the celebration fundraiser.  Most of you know that I am now two years sober. I also felt a great need to reach out to a great friend who is also in recovery to see if he would go with me. So I asked and he said yes. For some unknown reason I believe both of us needed to be there last night. 

 

We arrived and checked out the silent auction items and had a nice meal. There was also a hot chocolate and gourmet coffee bar to substitute for a real bar of course since this was a sobriety event no alcohol was involved. This made it easier to relax and enjoy without having to worry about temptation. We hung out and visited and did all the goofy things you do at fundraisers… The photo booth (which is my favorite thing!), the live auction, music and dancing etc. 

 

I was visiting with an amazingly generous man and filing him in on my journey since the last recovery event 2 years ago where I was just beginning my sobriety and my next cancer journey.  And somehow my friend and I ended up with two Trek bikes from Walt's!  How exciting right? My friend and I were ecstatic and feeling amazingly blessed!  I thought at that moment wow maybe that's why I was pulled here. 

 

Towards the end of the evening as we were gathering our stuff and talking about heading out I noticed a girl with a cool disco ball phone plug in and commented on it. At this event they just place people randomly at tables where you can mingle and meet new people. The cool disco girl had literally been sitting at our table all night and this was my first interaction with her. We started chatting and somehow pancreatic cancer was brought up in our conversation. She told me her sister had passed away a year ago from pancreatic cancer. She looked young and I knew that her sister was probably young as well. I told her that I had just been diagnosed a year ago and from that conversation we went into the fact that I also was a breast cancer survivor. She then opened up to me that she had the BRCA2 gene, and her sister and her mother. I couldn’t believe it. I really felt like, at that moment, her and I were supposed to meet and this was not by accident. She then went on to tell me that she was going to be having her prophylactic hysterectomy and mastectomy in the next month to prevent the cancer from invading those two parts of her body, because with BRCA2 it’s not if you’re going to get the cancer but when. I then told her that I had had a double mastectomy and a full hysterectomy as well and we then chatted a while about BRCA2 and all the shitty things that goes along with it. She told me she was raising her sister's children and had just moved here from Arizona after her sister had passed away. I asked her how long her sister had made it with from diagnosis and she said two years. That is a lot longer than most people who are diagnosed with it live, so that gave me some hope that maybe I’ll make it at least two years or even longer. We exchanged Facebook friend messages and I let her know that she could call me or message me at any time if she needed anything at all. I know these surgeries are scary and doing them prophylactically is a very very brave thing to do. I’m not sure if I was in her shoes before a cancer diagnosis if I would be so brave. But she is doing this for her children and her sister‘s children as well, so she can be around for a long time to take care of them all. 

 

So here we are, two people placed at a table, randomly put together at an event that I normally would have not chosen over the another event and we both have the BRCA2 gene and her sister had passed away from pancreatic cancer. And she is getting ready to go through what I've been through and I feel like I can be a friend and help her out through her journey. 

This was not a chance meeting nor was it accidental. I believe God placed her there for me to help through these surgeries and to be a support system and to share my story. It was an amazing night and I’m still kind of in shock over the way God moves in his mysterious workings in my life since I have gotten sober and found my faith again.  I hope my friend also found some strength and positivity by going along with me. He probably doesn't know it, but he helped me to feel comfortable in an always uncomfortable situation of being around new people. Since I have gotten sober that has been the hardest part for me.... Being sober and social. But having a friend along made it a great night!  I am getting better at it every day! Just having the strength to ask someone to go with me is a win in my books! 

 

Here's to a beautiful Sunday and being thankful for all of my blessings and a reminder that nothing happens by accident. For  my prayer warriors.... Thank you always! Extras on 12-8!

Torn Between Two Colors

 Today is National Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Day.  The WHOLE month of November is Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month.  

We are now halfway through the month of November, PanCan Awareness Month, and I have yet to see (other than on my pancreatic cancer support pages) ANY purple ribbons.  Not one awareness sign in any of the stores, not one commercial on TV, no fund raisers, nothing, anywhere, promoting pancreatic cancer awareness.  And I must admit, up until this last year, I was unaware of the total lack of any type of promotions, fund raising attempts, or even any type of awareness campaigns for any other type of cancer besides the almighty pink breast cancer.  This is where I am torn and feel a bit guilty for being angry about it all, being a 2x breast cancer survivor and a now a new pancreatic cancer fighter.  Please know I am so very grateful for all of the awareness (which leads to funding for a cure) for breast cancer, but cannot help but be angry that none of the other cancers get any attention at all.  Pancreatic cancer is one of those cancers that STILL has no cure and very few treatment options even!  Why isn't the attention being shifted from Pinktober to Purplevember.  We need a cure, or at the very least some viable life extending treatment options!  

Think about it yourselves....  The whole month of October you were inundated with pink everything everywhere! Believe me, I am very aware of how massive it is because, to be honest, at times, it's too much for me. For 31 days every year there is a constant reminder of the hell I have endured. For 31 days a fund raiser or awareness event popped up on my Facebook calendar.  You couldn't walk into a store or watch TV without it being thrown in your face.  And then November 1st, BAM, nothing.  Not even pink.  Which on some level this even pisses me off.  Breast cancer is a 24/7, 12 month disease, yet it seems like some type of weird ass celebration for one month in October and then everyone just forgets about it as well, and pink goes back to being just another color.  But at least it gets the 31 day fund raising and awareness campaigns, which has pushed breast cancer to one of the highest funded cancers.  This makes it more accessible to funds to find a cure, while all of the other colors are left behind.  Without awareness, funding and money to find a cure has less of a chance, obviously, because us purple people are still waiting!

There is a pretty decent theory regarding the reason behind the lack of a huge purple push in November.  Very sadly the average pancreatic cancer patient only lives 6 months after diagnosis, and rarely more than a year.  Therefore, there are not enough survivors that are around long enough to even begin any type of movement for awareness events in November.  I am a unicorn and I pray like crazy every single day to keep my unicorn status!  And since I have, so far, surpassed the odds thrown at me, I'm going to make a little noise today.  I know one person cannot do a lot, but one is better than none, right?  I've challenged my Facebook family to wear something purple today and post it up to show support and raise awareness.  I hope this will make a small but powerful statement!  My wonderful workplace is turning our fountain out in front of our building purple today at my request.  Hopefully people will drive by and wonder why the fountain is purple and maybe google it.  A little bit more awareness! I hope to be around for a long time to shake things up, to start a purple movement like the pink one.  Our purple community needs a CURE! I'm sure Pinktober started with just a small movement as well and well, look what it has turned into.  

I also hope that through awareness movements people stop and check into the organizations they are donating to (no matter what color).  Make sure the money is going directly back to the cause and not into big corporations who already have huge pockets.  The corporations that, during October, profit greatly on generous people who think if they buy something with a pink ribbon on it, it's going to help us.  But in reality they are just using your sympathies to make more money.  When donating to a cause, please try to donate local, where you know the money is going back into the community you live in to help actual patients.  Again, before my diagnosis, I had no clue as to where my money went when I was trying to be generous, only to find out now, sometimes it wasn't helping anyone in need.  

Well enough of my soapbox.  Hopefully someday there will be no need for any color ribbon! 

Update on myself.....  My last blood work again went up a couple of points.  I don't like this at all, but my doctor told me not to worry unless it trends so far up that it goes out of range again, and then we will worry.  So I'm trying not to freak, but if you know my whole story, you know I will always be freakin' the F out!  LOL  My next scan is set for December 8th.  I know I always say this, but this one is another biggie!  I just surpassed my one year mark, and per the stats above, you know that is HUGE! Please to all my prayer warriors out there, throw me up some prayers on the 8th of December for a clean, non-changed scan.  I have aches and pains and it scares me all the time.  Even though I know I just lifted a 30 pound bag of dog food, or walked 5 miles, or something silly that would obviously make your muscles sore.  But alas I still freak out and worry.  I still take my 5 chemo pills per day and have to admit they seemingly are making me a little more nauseous lately.  I know that is a side effect, so I just pop a barf pill and go on with my day.  I tell myself to suck it up and be grateful for I am still alive!  The world lost a beautiful soul this week who was a huge inspiration to me throughout my journey.  This, of course, was a reality check for me and threw me into panic mode.  I am so grateful to my four legged park walking buddy and my friends who talked me down off of the cliff and got my mind back to positive thinking!  

Thanks ahead to all my prayer warriors.  Please keep me on your prayer lists, especially for the 8th!  Have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your friends and families and remember to love every minute, take tons of photos and be thankful for your health!