Nope, it's only Saturday. 3 1/2 LONG days are ahead in my future.... to determine my future, ironically enough. Well at least my immediate future. Wednesday I will head to my oncologist (still freaks me out that I have one of these BTW). I will find out my next steps in this journey. Will I have to have chemo. Radiation. Take pills for years. PET scan. CAT scan. Who knows.... ha, my oncologist does! Soon I will too. But at the same time, I'm not sure I want to know. It may suck. Lord knows everything I've had done along this journey thus far has pretty much sucked! I think it's time to have an appointment that doesn't require me to head straight to the bar for a giant shot of whiskey afterwards LOL!
My surgeon thinks with my low tumor markers and the non-involvement of the nodes, I will not need to put the toxic horrible chemicals in my body (aka Chemo). But she also says she's not an oncologist and cannot predict what my chosen path may be. So here I am again, playing the lovely waiting game. Nervous as hell. Praying like crazy. NO CHEMO, PLEASE!!! I've chopped off my boobies, and I will be cutting out everything womanly down below within the next couple of months as well, so please Lord just let me not have to do this one thing that will indeed suck big giant weenies!
As far as as my boobies, or lack thereof I guess I should say. I am now 3 weeks out of my bilateral mastectomy. My incisions seem to be healing nicely and I am getting a little stronger every day. Not gonna lie, still hurts like hell most days, but not all day every day like the prior weeks. Good sign, right??
Today I went to support my work Emerging Professionals group and The Boys and Girls Club at the annual chili cookoff. Last year I headed up the event and this year I'm on the sidelines, only being able to be there for about 3 hours. Three hours, seriously. Last year I was there for like 8. It's still amazing to me how sore and tired I get after doing the most minor activity. Today was seriously just walking around and eating chili, and I came home and collapsed. Craziness. I want to do more, I want to hang longer, but my body just will not let me yet.
It seems like our beautiful 13 year old golden retriever, Buddy, and I have the same heart, but alas our bodies are failing us. Poor guy spent 3 days in the vet hospital this week, because his old legs would not allow him to get up on his own. After 3 days of pumping meds into him, we brought him home, thinking we would just make him happy for the weekend and then have to make the most unthinkable decision ever on Monday. But in true Buddy fashion, our guy is pushing himself up, almost running to his food, and he even has brought his toy to us wanting to play. Thank goodness we are not going to have to make that decision right now it looks like. Which is more than amazing for me, as I just don't think I could take that right now. After having to put our baby cat, Lizzie, to sleep in November, right before all this C word mess started. Losing another fur baby would devastate me. I need the dude around for my emotional support through this shit. He's my buddy!
So I guess in the meantime until Wednesday, I'll get back to getting stronger and getting my brain prepared for whatever is to come next. And the waiting game continues..... tick tock tick tock.....
All my life people have been telling me... You should write a book... You can't make this shit up! So here I am writing... about my life... it's not quite a book, and it may not be a great novel, but it is me.... all of my raw emotions and feelings. For me, writing will be one of my coping mechanisms while trying to deal with BRCA2, Breast Cancer, Pancreatic Cancer, Aging Parents, Relationships, Sobriety, and Life.
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YOU SHOULD WRITE A BOOK.....
All my life people have been telling me... You should write a book... You can't make this shit up! That seems to have been the theme o...
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It is said that when confronted with a breast cancer diagnosis, or any cancer for that matter, people will go through many stages. I'm ...
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Well this is a post I hoped I would never have to write.... But here I am, back at it again. I won the 1 in 8 lottery with my first breast...
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Everyone has played the Why Me, What If game, probably many times in their lives. Lord know I have. Boy does the nasty C word put all of t...
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Teal, Pink, and now some Purple added to my ribbon collection. Definitely not the kind of collection I would wish upon anyone, but someone...
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Hair.... A woman's crowning glory. Long, short, black, brown, blonde, red. No matter what style, it is how women, more times than...
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The last drop of alcohol I pray I will ever have was the night before I checked into the hospital October 25, 2019. And while some days I ha...
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Well here I am.... heading back to work tomorrow after being off since my lumpectomy. I have an appointment with my breast surgeon Tuesday...
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Well I made it out alive. I don't remember much at all about post op or getting home or really anything at all about the rest of surger...
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So here it goes... my next "tragic" moment... all the ugly details. I said in my first post that most of these "tragedies...
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All my life people have been telling me... You should write a book... You can't make this shit up! That seems to have been the theme o...
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