Is it Wednesday Yet???

Nope, it's only Saturday.  3 1/2 LONG days are ahead in my future.... to determine my future, ironically enough.  Well at least my immediate future.  Wednesday I will head to my oncologist (still freaks me out that I have one of these BTW).  I will find out my next steps in this journey.  Will I have to have chemo.  Radiation.  Take pills for years.  PET scan.  CAT scan.  Who knows....  ha, my oncologist does!  Soon I will too.  But at the same time, I'm not sure I want to know.  It may suck.  Lord knows everything I've had done along this journey thus far has pretty much sucked!  I think it's time to have an appointment that doesn't require me to head straight to the bar for a giant shot of whiskey afterwards LOL!

My surgeon thinks with my low tumor markers and the non-involvement of the nodes, I will not need to put the toxic horrible chemicals in my body (aka Chemo).  But she also says she's not an oncologist and cannot predict what my chosen path may be.  So here I am again, playing the lovely waiting game.  Nervous as hell.  Praying like crazy.  NO CHEMO, PLEASE!!!  I've chopped off my boobies, and I will be cutting out everything womanly down below within the next couple of months as well, so please Lord just let me not have to do this one thing that will indeed suck big giant weenies!

As far as as my boobies, or lack thereof I guess I should say.  I am now 3 weeks out of my bilateral mastectomy.  My incisions seem to be healing nicely and I am getting a little stronger every day. Not gonna lie, still hurts like hell most days, but not all day every day like the prior weeks.  Good sign, right??

Today I went to support my work Emerging Professionals group and The Boys and Girls Club at the annual chili cookoff.  Last year I headed up the event and this year I'm on the sidelines, only being able to be there for about 3 hours.  Three hours, seriously.  Last year I was there for like 8.  It's still amazing to me how sore and tired I get after doing the most minor activity.  Today was seriously just walking around and eating chili, and I came home and collapsed.  Craziness.  I want to do more,  I want to hang longer, but my body just will not let me yet.  

It seems like our beautiful 13 year old golden retriever, Buddy, and I have the same heart, but alas our bodies are failing us.  Poor guy spent 3 days in the vet hospital this week, because his old legs would not allow him to get up on his own.  After 3 days of pumping meds into him, we brought him home, thinking we would just make him happy for the weekend and then have to make the most unthinkable decision ever on Monday.  But in true Buddy fashion, our guy is pushing himself up, almost running to his food, and he even has brought his toy to us wanting to play.  Thank goodness we are not going to have to make that decision right now it looks like.  Which is more than amazing for me, as I just don't think I could take that right now.  After having to put our baby cat, Lizzie, to sleep in November, right before all this C word mess started.  Losing another fur baby would devastate me.  I need the dude around for my emotional support through this shit.  He's my buddy!

So I guess in the meantime until Wednesday, I'll get back to getting stronger and getting my brain prepared for whatever is to come next.  And the waiting game continues.....  tick tock tick tock.....