Nope. Not one tear. That's good right? Or maybe my body just doesn't have any more tears left. My tear ducts are so swollen that they will not allow one more tear to be shed over this person. A person who obviously does not want me. So why in the hell would I want him. Sounds like insanity to me! But I miss him.
Today I was forced to shut the radio off in the car after a barrage of songs, one channel after another, played songs that were too hurtful to listen to. First the Eagles, then Buffett, and the last straw was Kenny. After all, we were just at the Kenny concert Thursday night. Yes, we, us, were together at a concert JUST Thursday night. Knowing now that all the while he was pretending with me, he was thinking about and texting the child. And I'm sure he was also wishing that it was her standing in my place, drinking and partying, like we used to do. Like she does. Like I can't. So for now, he has ruined my favorite music.
Will I ever be able to enjoy all of the things I love again and not cry? I assume I will. I have let him so far into my life that I allowed him to share all of the things I love the most, never thinking he would not be there to always share these. Never ever occurred to me that I would be left with nothing but thousands of memories of Us together in my favorite places, listening to my favorite music, doing my favorite things. He promised to love me forever. But he lied.
The place I want to retire to, is now jaded. Will I ever want to go back there again? Will I want to still retire there.
He has ruined it. ALL of it!!! Because I let him get to close. I let down my guard and let someone in again. It had been a very very long time since I had allowed such stupidity. Stupid me. NEVER again!
But I didn't cry today!
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