Thanks For The Memories!

 I have not always shunned the beginning of fall as I do now days.  In fact, in my younger days I loved fall and all that it brought with it.  The cooler days, bon fires, hoodies, post season Cardinals, and SOCCER. My shift in my feelings for the love of fall is the direct result of the evil beast within me.  Every cancer diagnosis I have gotten, 3 to be exact, have been in the fall.  Ironically enough, all around the same time.  So when fall rolls around, for me, it makes me wonder what fresh hell is coming for me this year.  I know that’s a negative spin on things, but if you were in my shoes, you might feel this also.   I also realize I should be celebrating another season has past and I am still here fighting my ass off!  And believe me I am so very grateful for that.  I do not ever take that for granted.

Lately my Facebook memories have me up in my feelings like crazy.  I think they do every year, but this one seems different for some reason.  They are mostly of days gone long ago, although it seems like yesterday, of Britton and his soccer games.  Oh how I loved going and watching that kid play!  And for almost 15 years, every fall was soccer season for this Big Time soccer momma!  That was my life.  Of course we would throw in some post season Cardinal ball games also just because, well, yolo!   I’ve always had that motto, even long before my cancers, and I am proud to say I believe I had fully instilled that into Britton.

I think I’m more up in my feels this year also because of the awesome thing that is happening with the Cardinals this season and the end of the Big 3.  I know it’s crazy to get a little emotional over such a thing, but when you and your only child have watched these guys play since my almost 30 year old baby was just a toddler, well it gets me a little teary eyed.  It’s an end of another great era for both my Cardinals and my baby boy.  Britton being 30 soon seems very unrealistic to me.  I feel like I should be older, feel older, but I don’t.  I still feel 30 myself….. somedays!  Haha! 

Last night while I was fast asleep (thanks Apple+ and baseball) since I couldn’t watch the game, and well if I’m being honest I probably couldn’t have stayed awake anyways LOL, the great Albert Pujols hit #700! Another milestone I have gotten to be alive to see!  The only thing better would have been to have watched it with the boy.  Britton and I have followed him since he came on the scene as a rookie and started doing amazing things.  We checked him out on the Cardinals Caravans, followed him to Jupiter 3 years, two with the late great Scott Sander 💝, Disney World (while playing in a world soccer tourney of course), World Series and post season games and hundreds of regular season games over those last 30 years. And while we did get angry when he left us and we made the #5 in our jerseys into dollar signs, the duct tape was swiftly removed this year when he returned home where he belonged. LOL!  Britton has had many encounters with Albert over the years.  Memories we have made together that will never ever be forgotten.  Thus the emotions this year as the Big 3 make their final appearances.

   

In Jupiter that first year we went, that dedicated and excited child had scoped out where Albert had signed balls the previous game. The next day he insisted we get there 4 hours early.  He sat in that corner he had scoped out the day before for 4 hours just waiting to get to talk to Albert and get his signature, and his persistence paid off! He was the first one to get his ball signed that sunny beautiful day in Jupiter, Florida. 

                                   

A sunny Sunday in 2004, Britton was at the game and was playing a little pregame activity in the kid’s area and ended up with a HUGE prize.  He got to go on the field that game and hand Albert his player of the year award.  Of course at that time, that was every Cardinal fan’s dream, old and young alike!  Who knew what this would mean almost 20 years later.

                                 

A year later at a game in Kansas City, the Royals v. Cardinals, after the ballgame, Briton was on a mission to find out where Albert would come out.  He was convinced he would come back into the stadium somewhere after the game to say hey to his old college buddies.  And sure enough we walked around that stadium until we saw some guys gathered around a door and Britton exclaimed, “See momma there is his wife and his buddies”.  And I’ll be damned if it wasn’t and about 10 minutes later out pops Albert.  Gives his wife a kiss, and starts high fiving his buddies.  My brazen kid steps into the middle of all of that and says, “Hi there, do you remember me?  I gave you your award last month”.  Of course you could tell he had no clue but like the class act that he is, Albert patted him on the head and said, “Of course I do little buddy”.  He signed a ball and away we went with my little boy beaming from ear to ear. 

I tell you what, I wouldn’t trade my past with anyone.  Those moments with my only child where I had the opportunity to make him smile from ear to ear are priceless.  I sure hope he feels the same way.  So when something as memorable as what is happening this year with the Big 3, I can’t help but feel all of those memories flood back with huge emotion, not so much because of what they have done, but what part they have played in the memories I have had while being in their presence.

   

When you are in my unique situation, these kinds of seasons are amplified.  They are cherished more.  Because I have a mindset that is “I get to”.   And nothing that I do now is taken for granted.  As I meticulously pick and choose what I do and who I do it with.  For this is a time to make all the memories I can with the people who will someday I hope, 20 years from now, cherish them as much as I cherish all of my memories. 

I know I haven’t updated in a while….  There is pretty much nothing to update really.  Which is good and also frustrating.  Both my Columbia and Mayo doctors agree that the cancer is back and growing.  It just has not shown its horrible ugly face again yet on the scans.  So for now, status quo and moving along and making memories like crazy!  I still pray every day and hope like hell that my trending upward numbers is somehow just a fluke and the chemo pills are still working, but in reality I know that is a long shot.  But at the same time I’ve beat the odds thus far!  We are coming upon 2 years since my diagnosis.  That’s a long time in pancan years my friends and I am so grateful and blessed for these bonus months! My next scan will be this upcoming Friday, and like always, please tons of prayers for the scan to remain stable once again.  I do believe in my prayer warriors and believe that it works, so keep on doing what you’ve been doing out there my warriors!  And as always make the memories today for tomorrow is never promised! Lots of love to you all!