I Made It!

 Another trip around that big fireball in the sky! As long as I'm still kicking in two days LOL!  The big five-three!  I know, not a "big" birthday for most, but for me it's the 4th one I've seen since they told me I wouldn't even see five-ohhhh!  So every birthday for me is a huge accomplishment.  

This year has been A LOT!  From a major surgery I was told I would never ever qualify for, to some bucket list trips I never imagined I would ever get to go on, concerts, lots of time with friends and family, and lots and lots of chemo and trying to figure out how to keep this chick alive! 

My latest adventure, Alaska, ya'll I can't even begin to tell you how magical that place is! I was very skeptical going into this trip as I am a hot weather, beach and ocean girl all the way and anyplace cold is my nemesis.  So to say I was concerned about my ability to enjoy this trip was an understatement.  But I packed like a champ with tons of layers, stocking hats, hand warmers, wool socks and fur lined boots and to Seattle we went to board the ship! I went on with a positive attitude and said no matter what we're going to enjoy this trip.  I cannot even begin to explain to you the magical beauty of every single thing on this trip. The scenery and the wildlife was like nothing I had ever experienced before.  In fact, there were several times when my friend looked at me or I to her and just asked, "is this even real life right now"!  We ate the biggest crab legs I have ever seen in my life, saw a moose, watched a pod of orcas, ate a piece of a thousand year old chunk of ice from a glacier, walked a giant suspension bridge in Canada, and I overcame my fear and took a tram to the top of a giant mountain, where the views were amazing.  I was never cold, the sun shone every day, and it never rained on us, which the locals at every stop were amazed by the odd weather we were experiencing.  God was definitely on watching over us! It by far is now in my top three trips ever taken.  Lesson learned for sure.  Everyone needs to jump out of your comfort zone and try something totally new!  You may just fall in love with it! 

But every amazing thing must come to an end... LOL.  Mine slapped me right in the face with covid and some chemo on top of it just to make things interesting.  Welcome to my world haha!  But here is my positive spin on that... at least it happened when I got home and not on my magical vacation! I was in bed for 7 days pretty sick.... the price you pay for magic LOL

I went back to the cancer center last week for chemo, but instead saw the oncologist and we had a conversation about my tumor marker number jumping up like crazy these last two times.  It looks like the current chemo I have been on is now starting to fail me.  We discussed it and it's time to switch back to the chemo pills I was on a couple of years ago (which failed after a year and a half), but we're going to add an immunotherapy to the pill protocol to see if we can get this combo to bring down the tumor marker numbers.  

I am a realist and I know the amount of treatments there are for pancreatic cancer are few and far between and when we run out of first line treatments and start to circle back around to previous treatments things are going to get sketchy as hell! We better start taking them trips a little sooner and faster.  With that being said, I am NEVER going to give up and will stay positive! I am hoping and praying that even though the immunotherapy has not been approved for pancreatic cancer yet, that it will work miracles like it is doing for so many other people with other cancers!  

Yesterday I had a CT scan, which still does not show the cancer that we know is growing because of the tumor markers.  It's just too microscopic at this time to rear it's ugly head to us. I will begin my chemo pills (as soon as insurance approves them).  This seems like it's going to be a problem so please say a prayer they finally will approve them.  I received my first dose of what I hope to be life extending immunotherapy yesterday! In the chemo chair for 30 minutes instead of 6-8 hours.... what a difference! I will have the immunotherapy every 3 weeks and 4 chemo pills every day.  So lots and lots of prayers that this duo will bring down that tumor marker number and start killing those micro cancer cells! 

Onward and upward everyone! Love your people, take the trip, eat the freakin' cake and do something out of your comfort zone! Life is a beautiful, awful, amazing, horrible, crazy thing! Go live it to the fullest before it's too late! 

Love ya'll!  Until next time....

The BIG One!

 Well it's been a minute since my post op surgery excitement.  And as always, it's been a cold, long winter here in the Ellison mansion! Although I did have a few days of escape to the tropics last month, which was definitely some much needed days of sun, sand, and sea!  And of course amazing company! And it looks like we made it through another Missouri winter.  The days are getting longer and the temps are starting rise, along with the Spring flowers! 

So here I am, 4.5 months from surgery at KU at the end of October last year.  I can't believe it's already March! What have I been up to?  Well I spent the first 6 weeks taking it easy and healing.  I did pretty well I think.  Although some days I still feel like I'm back in those first 6 weeks, with some pain and boy do I get tired easily!  But I still make myself get up and go!  No time for letting the grass grow under these feet! After surgery recovery, I simultaneously started back to work and also started a new chemo regimen.  I'm grateful every day for my job and the wonderful company I work for.  It keeps me grounded and keeps my mind sharp and also keeps it from wandering into those dark places it likes to go, way too often these days.  Chemo.... well it's chemo.  I had to start chemo after the surgery because of the 8 dirty lymph nodes found during my surgery, but also, hopefully, to "clean up" any other rogue cancer cells roaming around in my body.  This regimen has been a mixed bag of "fun"..... on one hand it's been better than the ones I was on before as it is only a one day every other week chemo, whereas the other was 4 days of awfulness.  However, this one seems to bring with it a lot more nausea than its predecessor.  But all in all, if I had to chose, the current one would be the "winner".... haha! My white counts and neutrophils have stayed extremely low with this current chemo as well.  In February I asked for a little chemo break, basically just skipping one round, to be able to travel without all of the side effects and my oncologist agreed!  

I went back "home" to Treasure Island in Florida for a few days with a great friend and met another one there.  Boy is she lucky enough to live my dream down there now.  I'm incredibly jelly!  We hung out on the beach, ate lots of good food and I attended my first (but hopefully not my last) Gasparilla!  This wasn't a planned event, it just happened to be going on at the same time the trip was already booked (meant to be I think).  It was a beautiful 80 degree day with full sunshine, 12 hours of parades, pirates, people, over 300,000 people, and LOTS of beads.  Little did we know, this is the 4th largest parade/event in the US every year and we had never heard of it!  So much fun!  And we got to see the Chiefs win while on the beach!  No better way to watch a Chiefs game for sure!! 

Then two weeks later my "Fab Five" girls (minus one 😟 ) went on a bucket list trip of a lifetime!  Costa Rica!  These trips with my girls are the most special trips EVER! I love them all so much! We snorkeled two beautiful reefs, visited a beautiful waterfall, rafted down a river full of monkeys, iguanas, crocks and we even saw a very extinct bird (only 100 left in the world).  The tour guides were more excited about it than us I think! We went to a rainforest where we saw toucans, sloths, and colorful but poisonous frogs. I was absolutely enamored by these beautiful creatures!  We went to a spa that was on the side of a volcano and bathed ourselves in the volcanic mud and after it dried we waded down a little river to a waterfall where we washed the mud off.  Then went over to the natural springs which were warmed by the volcano to soak all afternoon.  I cannot even begin to describe how beautiful and amazing this country is.  I'll definitely try to figure a way back there someday... hopefully! 

But alas, all good things must come to an end, and ironically, on Valentines day I was back in the chemo chair once again.  Since then I've had a couple of rounds and each time my tumor marker has gone up some.  It is still not as high as before my surgery, but going up is not a good sign.  With the surgery that I had there is a massively high rate of recurrence and spread with this particular cancer.  I knew this going into the surgery but it was a shot I had to take to try to save my life.  I feel like God put that surgery in my path for a reason and I pray every day that I get more time to live this crazy, awful, amazing, beautiful life!

This brings us to tomorrow.... probably the biggest scan I have had in my whole cancer journey.  This is the first scan post surgery.  I cannot even begin to tell you how HUGE this one is.  Which is probably why my anxiety is through the roof and I have been having moments of paralyzing fear.  Of course, pair this with the incredible loss of two of my chemo buddies, who have passed away in the last few weeks, the anxiety and the survivors guilt is an incredible weight to bear.  

I am definitely on the struggle bus today and am asking for all my prayer warriors to say a big one for me to help me through the fear and anxiety of today and for my scan to be good tomorrow! And as always, I'll see ya on the flip side God willing!