HELLO FROM THE OTHER SIDE

Well I made it out alive.  I don't remember much at all about post op or getting home or really anything at all about the rest of surgery day after I got my happy medicine in my IV.  I woke up day after surgery pretty sore, still kind of out of it and sleeping in a bra.  What, seriously?  For those of you that know me well know that I hate bras, despise them in fact.  They are the first thing off when I walk in the door from work.  I rarely even put one on during the weekends... even if we're going somewhere.  I made up NBS (no bra Sunday).  I think my fiancé actually thought it was a thing.  LOL

Now on to checking this thing out that seems to be hurting me under my left arm.  Yep there it is... think I might puke.  A beautiful 3 inch incision that is red and angry and gross.  Yep won't be looking at this thing again for a while.  Gross!!  I do not do well with anything medical.  Cuts, scratches, blisters, splinters, etc. etc. all make me nauseous.  I know I know... suck it up buttercup it's about to get really really gross soon and I'm just going to have to deal with it.  But... for now... it's GROSS!

God love the pain pill invention.  I floated through the Christmas holiday without a care in the world. Yay drugs!  Usually Christmas stresses me out to the max.  Not this year haha!  #silverlining

Then CAT scan day was here... damn I'd almost forgot about that...  first at home you get to drink a F ton of this nasty shit.  Barely choked it down without throwing up.  But hey, I'm a rock star!  I did it!  LOL  Then checked back into the cancer center, paid my $20 bucks.  Then this lovely (this is said very sarcastically) male CT scan guy came to get me.  I ask if my fiancé can come too because I know what is about to happen....  needle in arm...  but nope he is told to stay put.  Panic ensues immediately.  I proceed to tell this douce bag about my major needle phobia.  Yeah he doesn't care, grabs my arm and begins the poking around.  Mind you I've told the lovely uncaring specimen that I just had surgery on Friday and that was where the IV was.  He didn't seem to care and kept digging.  Finally Mr. Douce Bag decided I was right and he would remove it and start over.  Lucky me!  Finally found a vein and got it in.  I was crying by now.  Mr. awesome bedside manner dude didn't give a rats ass... he just wanted to get this done...  shot some dye into my IV....  Began to feel like I was pissing myself  (yes this is a normal thing that happens with CAT scans.. who knew) while the machine slid back and forth taking the pictures.  Finally was done and Mr. douche bag takes the IV out and sends me on down the hall to waiting room B, so I can visit with my oncologist about the CAT scan and the post op from surgery; we will also visit about the terrible awful genetic testing results and what I am going to do.

Doc comes in.  Thank God the CAT scan looks clear; nothing weird looking.  Whew that's a relief! Now we have to talk about options.  Of course he recommends the double mastectomy with removal of ovaries and fallopian tubes.  But says it is small; we caught it early; we can do the radiation and put me on an every 6 months watch if I prefer.  I've spent the last few days in denial; googling everything I could find, reading chat rooms of women who have this mutation as well.  I was leaning towards just going ahead with our normal plan and adding the 6 month monitoring.  But I didn't know for sure... terrified, I almost had a break down this day in the office.  But this chick does not cry!  Especially in front of people.  So I sucked it up and smiled and my oncologist hugged me and told me it would be okay.  I think he realized I was on the verge of mental breakdown in his office.

My follow up with my surgeon would be two days later; I will know the status of my nodes then.  He told me to wait and find out about this before we make any life altering decisions.  Out the door I go, on another waiting adventure....  tick tock tick tock....